Marriage killed the friendship

Video killed the radio star and according to Robbie Williams reality killed the video star…but has marriage killed the friendship?

We all have a friend that as soon as they find a new love interest they leave you for dead. You never hear from them, you rarely see them and the only way to keep up with them is their Facebook status updates (but they only say I’m sooooooo in looooooove).

I was reading the news yesterday and came across an interesting article “Falling in love costs you two close friends, according to British expert

The article put simply is this – most adults have 6 people in their intimate circle but once you get married it drops down to 5. Your husband/wife actually counts for 2 people. So those 2 people who were in the best friends category get demoted to the good friends list.

Its hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations (they’re always a ruiner). Managing your best friends expectations of late nights, chick flicks and dancing isn’t always easy to balance against your husband’s expectations of dinner, home movies and in my case guitar hero.

I think that marriage itself doesn’t kill friendship but neglect does. I know that in the lead up to my wedding I wasn’t following up with my besties as I usually would. But I think your friends generally give you a bit of slack for that. Its after the wedding that counts!

I love my husband dearly and while the experts tell me he counts for 2 best friends, he definitely doesn’t count for 6! I need my girlfriends, what’s more I want my girlfriends.

You know it might be hard to find a good man but its also hard to find a best friend. And I want to keep them all.

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The grass is always greener

Sometimes I forget that I’m married. I don’t forget that I have Tim in my life but when someone calls me Mrs or there is mention that I am a wife then it can take me by surprise. They are titles that I’m not used to yet.

I think part of this is because I was a single girl for so long. Being 30 and single was a turning point for me. When I was 21 (and foolish) I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30. On that list was ‘get married’ – somehow I’d got it stuck in my head that you should be married by 30.

So as the deadline was approaching and I was very much still single I started to freak out ever so slightly. Questions started tumbling through my head….what is wrong with me? am I unattractive? am I too set in my ways? am I too picky?

I always said, and still believe, that you can lead a fulfilling life no matter what your relationship status is. I was determined to make the most of it no matter what but sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have that special someone.

To be honest I couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to spend the rest of their life with me, but part of my heart hoped and prayed I would be proved wrong.

I could go on to say that it happened for me and so it will happen for you (if it hasn’t already) but what I want to tell you instead is that the grass is always greener.

I would be out with a group of girlfriends and see a couple having what looked like a romantic dinner and my heart would go ‘awwweee’. Or I’d be off on an overseas adventure and think how lovely it would be if it was a honeymoon. Or…I could recall a million other thoughts here.

Not that long ago one of my girlfriends said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go camping with our group of friends as she thought it might be all couples. That stopped me and I thought…ooh I don’t want to go either and then I remembered I was one of those couples!

Even on my beloved honeymoon I saw a group of 4 girls waiting to catch the plane home. My heart leapt and I thought oh how lovely to be on holidays with your friends.

So I’ve been the single girl dreaming of a man and I’ve been the newlywed dreaming of friends. I wasn’t unhappy in either situation but it just goes to show we always look at something we don’t have and long for it.

Marriage is awesome and I’d totally recommend it but having a group of friends is totally awesome too.

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