The grass is always greener

Sometimes I forget that I’m married. I don’t forget that I have Tim in my life but when someone calls me Mrs or there is mention that I am a wife then it can take me by surprise. They are titles that I’m not used to yet.

I think part of this is because I was a single girl for so long. Being 30 and single was a turning point for me. When I was 21 (and foolish) I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30. On that list was ‘get married’ – somehow I’d got it stuck in my head that you should be married by 30.

So as the deadline was approaching and I was very much still single I started to freak out ever so slightly. Questions started tumbling through my head….what is wrong with me? am I unattractive? am I too set in my ways? am I too picky?

I always said, and still believe, that you can lead a fulfilling life no matter what your relationship status is. I was determined to make the most of it no matter what but sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have that special someone.

To be honest I couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to spend the rest of their life with me, but part of my heart hoped and prayed I would be proved wrong.

I could go on to say that it happened for me and so it will happen for you (if it hasn’t already) but what I want to tell you instead is that the grass is always greener.

I would be out with a group of girlfriends and see a couple having what looked like a romantic dinner and my heart would go ‘awwweee’. Or I’d be off on an overseas adventure and think how lovely it would be if it was a honeymoon. Or…I could recall a million other thoughts here.

Not that long ago one of my girlfriends said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go camping with our group of friends as she thought it might be all couples. That stopped me and I thought…ooh I don’t want to go either and then I remembered I was one of those couples!

Even on my beloved honeymoon I saw a group of 4 girls waiting to catch the plane home. My heart leapt and I thought oh how lovely to be on holidays with your friends.

So I’ve been the single girl dreaming of a man and I’ve been the newlywed dreaming of friends. I wasn’t unhappy in either situation but it just goes to show we always look at something we don’t have and long for it.

Marriage is awesome and I’d totally recommend it but having a group of friends is totally awesome too.

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Rules for dating

There’s a saying which goes, “A good man is hard to find” but I think its even harder to find a patient man. A few years ago my friend JR graciously told me I needed a patient man. I felt a bit miffed about that….was I that hard to get on with? Whether I am or not I can’t decide but I did start to think about the value of a patient man.

Years before that 2 of my closest male friends and I had made a list of rules for dating. We referred to it as the three S’s:

Rule 1: No Settling for second best

Rule 2: No Soppiness (this was for one of the boys in particular who was very good at putting on the sad puppy dog eyes and we, his friends, thought it didn’t help the cause)

Rule 3: No Second chances.

We all broke the rules overtime and jokingly attributed our dating failures to not keeping them.

Looking back on the rules the only good one in there is about not settling for second best. Relationships are hard under the best circumstances so if you’re not with someone who you think the world of, you better back out.

Now that I’m married and committed to a forever, if Tim and I had a rule about no second chances there would be no ‘us’ already. Marriage is all about second chances. I continually stuff up and do things that are:

a) thoughtless

b) hurtful

c) stupid

d) all of the above.

That is why I’m thankful that JR was brave enough to tell me I needed a patient man. I’m even more thankful that I actually found a good, patient man. Someone who would acknowledge my faults and who would patiently help me become a better person and give me 2nd, 3rd, 4th….chances. If you’re looking for that special one, add ‘patient’ to the list of must have’s!

Now somehow I need to become more patient…is there a set of rules for that?

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The Vision

Surely you’ve noticed how just about all romantic movies end with either the couple finally getting together or getting married. Its seems like there is a Hollywood formula that goes something like this – couple meet, they fall in love at first sight which means the rest of the movie is about trials they face and how they eventually overcome them. Or they hate each other at first sight which means the rest of the move is about them being forced into spending time together, dating other people and then finally realising that they should be together and are now in love. And then the movie stops.

Happily ever after seems to stop when you get married. But what happens in the happily ever after? Sex and the City, the first movie, tried to answer that question but what it really did was follow the original formula. Carrie and Big are finally together and now they’re getting married….but Big stands her up at the altar and then they face a number of trials until they get back together again and the movie ends with them getting married.

Bridget Jones Diary – Edge of Reason, follows a similar line. Bridget and Mark Darcy are in love and together but then get pulled apart, they face a number of trials before getting back together at the end.

So what does the happily ever after bit actually look like? Maybe its too boring to show BUT having just got married not long ago I’m going to make a diary about what being married is actually like.

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