Being late lets you make a grand entrance

“I’m not going to be 45 minutes late to my own wedding!” I emphatically stated to Tim.

“But you are going to be late” He replied with a frown.

“Yes I will be late, its one of the unwritten rules for brides.”  This conversation happened a week before our wedding. Tim hates being late and he was in fear of my own lateness.

I am forever haunted by a statement I made quite a few years ago to my friend Sandra. We were working together and it was a time in my life when I’d just gotten through a rough patch and lets just say I was more into me that I should have been. I dramatically said that being late lets you make a grand entrance. hmm and Sandra has never let me live it down since.

So when my wedding day arrived and Tim’s prediction was right and I was actually 45 minutes late (due to a number of circumstances not a desire to make a grand entrance – I was the bride, a grand entrance was assured) I’m sure that Sandra was not entirely surprised.

But I will admit, I’m often late. I always underestimate how long it will take me to get ready. And I often get distracted. And I think I can get places quicker than I can. I also may have taken it to heart when a lecturer from college told me its better to be 5 minutes late than 5 minutes early. So its no wonder really that Tim was worried.

But I have discovered his trick. He does to me what I used to do to a friend at uni. He tells me we need to leave earlier than we really do. So if we need to leave home at 8, he tells me we need to leave by 7.30. He wasn’t sneaky enough.

So we could be in for interesting times. His desire to be there on time (which really is a desire to be so early that we have time to read the entire Lord of the Rings series) and my desire to arrive 5 minutes late is going to clash. But I know who will win. Do you?

Will test it out this weekend, we’re off to a wedding. And the main aim there is to beat the bride but I’ll grab Frodo & his mates on my way out the door.

x

Something that only boys appreciate

I am going to be open and honest and quite frankly I’m also going to get a little gross. Boys really are obsessed with farting. Call it what you like….breaking wind, fluffs, cracker jacks, gas, coughing in your rompers….they’re all farts.

Now I knew that this was something that boys find extremely amusing. Boys grow up with this strange fascination in all bodily functions. The louder, the more potent the smell the better (and funnier) it is in their book.

My male friends from uni days would go on surfing trips together and always come back with stories. Nearly all these stories would revolve around someone’s smelly bum. It also involved everyone eating lots of baked beans and then stinking the tent out so no one could handle it anymore.

Girls grow up trying never to fart in the company of anyone. Ever.

So you bring these two histories together in marriage and it makes for interesting times.

I only found out about cupcaking earlier this year from Hamish and Andy. Why on earth would you want to cup your hand around your bum so you can capture the smell and stick it in someone’s face? It doesn’t make sense I tell you!

There comes a time in most relationships when you feel comfortable to fart in front of each other. It normally happens after you’ve had a few incidents of ‘accidental’ farting (accidental on the girls part anyway, the boy just lets a few go for fun and to see how the girl will react).

But no matter how comfortable I feel and how I know that we all do it, I still don’t find it funny to:

a) be cupcaked

b) suffer a dutch oven

c) hear farts in general.

This is definitely something that only boys appreciate.

However, things that I have learned about farting since being married:

  • if you fart under the covers and then casually raise your leg in the air and drop it back down, it will give a puff of fart filled air right up to your partners nose
  • if you fart and then walk quickly away, the smell is going to follow you
  • after you’ve hosted a boys night at your house, just go around and spray all common areas and bathrooms with air freshener..you might even want to get the spray and wipe out
  • the more disgusting you find a fart, the funnier it will be to your husband
  • men always, ALWAYS find farting funny – no exception.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

x

Its our thing

One piece of marriage advice I got was that we needed to find a common interest. This might have come my way since my husband and I are very different. He’s from the country and claims I’m a city girl. I used to be a strict vegetarian and Tim eats meat with every meal (ok not breakfast, well not everyday). He likes heavy metal and I like pop. He says potato, I say potarto….ok you get what I mean.

We’re different. But its never been that big of a deal, we compromise. For example after me watching about 10 of his movies we were in the cinema for that Adam Sandler one, “Grown Ups” and by then I’d had enough. So Tim gives in and announces next time he’s taking me to a ‘chick flick’. I’m not game to admit which one we actually watched but it was good.

It works for us, but having a common interest is good too and we’ve found one!

A few days ago I was kind of bagging my husbands interest in ebay. I have to admit that ever since we got guitar hero with the drums and the microphone, there hasn’t been a day it hasn’t been played.

Its actually something we like to do together. Tim plays the guitar (as he’s the hero and I can’t even play the stupid thing) and I like to sing. So we have a band. It’s now our thing.

x

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