Being late lets you make a grand entrance

“I’m not going to be 45 minutes late to my own wedding!” I emphatically stated to Tim.

“But you are going to be late” He replied with a frown.

“Yes I will be late, its one of the unwritten rules for brides.”  This conversation happened a week before our wedding. Tim hates being late and he was in fear of my own lateness.

I am forever haunted by a statement I made quite a few years ago to my friend Sandra. We were working together and it was a time in my life when I’d just gotten through a rough patch and lets just say I was more into me that I should have been. I dramatically said that being late lets you make a grand entrance. hmm and Sandra has never let me live it down since.

So when my wedding day arrived and Tim’s prediction was right and I was actually 45 minutes late (due to a number of circumstances not a desire to make a grand entrance – I was the bride, a grand entrance was assured) I’m sure that Sandra was not entirely surprised.

But I will admit, I’m often late. I always underestimate how long it will take me to get ready. And I often get distracted. And I think I can get places quicker than I can. I also may have taken it to heart when a lecturer from college told me its better to be 5 minutes late than 5 minutes early. So its no wonder really that Tim was worried.

But I have discovered his trick. He does to me what I used to do to a friend at uni. He tells me we need to leave earlier than we really do. So if we need to leave home at 8, he tells me we need to leave by 7.30. He wasn’t sneaky enough.

So we could be in for interesting times. His desire to be there on time (which really is a desire to be so early that we have time to read the entire Lord of the Rings series) and my desire to arrive 5 minutes late is going to clash. But I know who will win. Do you?

Will test it out this weekend, we’re off to a wedding. And the main aim there is to beat the bride but I’ll grab Frodo & his mates on my way out the door.

x

A word from the not so wise

This time of year brings grand finals. Football grand finals. With the most important of these being the AFL. This year in particular was a big one. My husbands beloved team, Collingwood, finally made it again (after being beaten by my team a few years ago…but its best not to mention that).

My love of the Brisbane Lions began back in 2001. I was dragged along to a game by a friend and there I fell in love. The excitement, the skill, the men (seriously they are the fittest men of any football code)…it was a winning combination and it was the beginning of our glory days so what was not to love. When I moved to Melbourne I felt like I should support a local team…so the search for the right team began. I courted Hawthorn, as they were the reigning champions and half my church supported them and St Kilda, as they have the prettiest uniform. But I couldn’t forget the Lions.

However, in the interest of a happy marriage, Tim and I have come to an agreement. Collingwood are my second team and the Lions are his. If they play each other…well lets just say we’re better off not watching it. But this love of the Lions helped me understand the importance of this grand final. I knew it was a big deal. I knew plans would be made.

Not being able to watch the game live, we had some friends tape it so we could all watch it together later that night. Trying to avoid finding out the scores was hard. Phones were turned off. Back roads were taken to avoid running into anyone showing off the results. People were ignored.

I really should have turned my phone off too. I got a text, all the boys demanded I shouldn’t read the message. Tim was adamant ‘Turn your phone off”. I obeyed. But curiosity killed the cat and so it got to me. Once all the boys were outside I checked the message. “Tell Tim not to bother, it was a draw.” hahahahahaha a draw, as if.

I thought it so funny that I told the boys. Hmm not so funny once we watched the game and it turned out to be a draw. And the death stares my husband gave me were definitely not so funny. I broke the rule, I told them the score…and my cries of “I didn’t think it was real” did not save me.

So a word from the not so wise. Don’t get involved in grand finals. Or football. Or boys! Ha ok I take back the last one. But I’m serious about grand finals….nothing good comes out of them (unless it involves the Lions).

x

Something that only boys appreciate

I am going to be open and honest and quite frankly I’m also going to get a little gross. Boys really are obsessed with farting. Call it what you like….breaking wind, fluffs, cracker jacks, gas, coughing in your rompers….they’re all farts.

Now I knew that this was something that boys find extremely amusing. Boys grow up with this strange fascination in all bodily functions. The louder, the more potent the smell the better (and funnier) it is in their book.

My male friends from uni days would go on surfing trips together and always come back with stories. Nearly all these stories would revolve around someone’s smelly bum. It also involved everyone eating lots of baked beans and then stinking the tent out so no one could handle it anymore.

Girls grow up trying never to fart in the company of anyone. Ever.

So you bring these two histories together in marriage and it makes for interesting times.

I only found out about cupcaking earlier this year from Hamish and Andy. Why on earth would you want to cup your hand around your bum so you can capture the smell and stick it in someone’s face? It doesn’t make sense I tell you!

There comes a time in most relationships when you feel comfortable to fart in front of each other. It normally happens after you’ve had a few incidents of ‘accidental’ farting (accidental on the girls part anyway, the boy just lets a few go for fun and to see how the girl will react).

But no matter how comfortable I feel and how I know that we all do it, I still don’t find it funny to:

a) be cupcaked

b) suffer a dutch oven

c) hear farts in general.

This is definitely something that only boys appreciate.

However, things that I have learned about farting since being married:

  • if you fart under the covers and then casually raise your leg in the air and drop it back down, it will give a puff of fart filled air right up to your partners nose
  • if you fart and then walk quickly away, the smell is going to follow you
  • after you’ve hosted a boys night at your house, just go around and spray all common areas and bathrooms with air freshener..you might even want to get the spray and wipe out
  • the more disgusting you find a fart, the funnier it will be to your husband
  • men always, ALWAYS find farting funny – no exception.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

x

Marriage killed the friendship

Video killed the radio star and according to Robbie Williams reality killed the video star…but has marriage killed the friendship?

We all have a friend that as soon as they find a new love interest they leave you for dead. You never hear from them, you rarely see them and the only way to keep up with them is their Facebook status updates (but they only say I’m sooooooo in looooooove).

I was reading the news yesterday and came across an interesting article “Falling in love costs you two close friends, according to British expert

The article put simply is this – most adults have 6 people in their intimate circle but once you get married it drops down to 5. Your husband/wife actually counts for 2 people. So those 2 people who were in the best friends category get demoted to the good friends list.

Its hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations (they’re always a ruiner). Managing your best friends expectations of late nights, chick flicks and dancing isn’t always easy to balance against your husband’s expectations of dinner, home movies and in my case guitar hero.

I think that marriage itself doesn’t kill friendship but neglect does. I know that in the lead up to my wedding I wasn’t following up with my besties as I usually would. But I think your friends generally give you a bit of slack for that. Its after the wedding that counts!

I love my husband dearly and while the experts tell me he counts for 2 best friends, he definitely doesn’t count for 6! I need my girlfriends, what’s more I want my girlfriends.

You know it might be hard to find a good man but its also hard to find a best friend. And I want to keep them all.

x

The grass is always greener

Sometimes I forget that I’m married. I don’t forget that I have Tim in my life but when someone calls me Mrs or there is mention that I am a wife then it can take me by surprise. They are titles that I’m not used to yet.

I think part of this is because I was a single girl for so long. Being 30 and single was a turning point for me. When I was 21 (and foolish) I made a list of things I wanted to do before I turned 30. On that list was ‘get married’ – somehow I’d got it stuck in my head that you should be married by 30.

So as the deadline was approaching and I was very much still single I started to freak out ever so slightly. Questions started tumbling through my head….what is wrong with me? am I unattractive? am I too set in my ways? am I too picky?

I always said, and still believe, that you can lead a fulfilling life no matter what your relationship status is. I was determined to make the most of it no matter what but sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have that special someone.

To be honest I couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to spend the rest of their life with me, but part of my heart hoped and prayed I would be proved wrong.

I could go on to say that it happened for me and so it will happen for you (if it hasn’t already) but what I want to tell you instead is that the grass is always greener.

I would be out with a group of girlfriends and see a couple having what looked like a romantic dinner and my heart would go ‘awwweee’. Or I’d be off on an overseas adventure and think how lovely it would be if it was a honeymoon. Or…I could recall a million other thoughts here.

Not that long ago one of my girlfriends said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go camping with our group of friends as she thought it might be all couples. That stopped me and I thought…ooh I don’t want to go either and then I remembered I was one of those couples!

Even on my beloved honeymoon I saw a group of 4 girls waiting to catch the plane home. My heart leapt and I thought oh how lovely to be on holidays with your friends.

So I’ve been the single girl dreaming of a man and I’ve been the newlywed dreaming of friends. I wasn’t unhappy in either situation but it just goes to show we always look at something we don’t have and long for it.

Marriage is awesome and I’d totally recommend it but having a group of friends is totally awesome too.

x

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