Don’t forget the purple potato people

My husband can’t seem to wake up without waking me up too. This is a problem….he gets up at 4am most mornings. And today on the very first working day of daylight savings it was hard. But also funny.

Being a Queenslander, I’m still not used to daylight savings. It seems weird, putting the clocks forward an hour and pretending the time has changed for us all. So when the alarm went off it really was 3am. Argh!

Now I’m not sure what happened, but according to my source, lets call him Tim, I had some wise words this morning.

“Don’t forget the purple potato people!”

It’s very important not to forget these people. Why? And who are they? Well it seems nobody knows apart from my semi-awake self. I do remember saying something and getting the impression that Tim thought it was silly, but feeling the importance of it and thinking he didn’t understand. We laughed and laughed about it during our morning phone call.

Ahh isn’t it lovely to have someone to remember all the stupid stuff.

In other news, no grand entrance was made at the wedding on the weekend…well not by us anyway. We arrived a nice and early 30 minutes (yawn). Tim sarcastically asked where were Frodo and his mates (I left them behind since I was so stressed about possibly being late).

This was our first wedding since our own, here are a few of my observations:

* Just because you’ve seen a flash of a big white dress, it doesn’t mean the bride is here…it might just be the Priest in his robes

* Before my wedding every wedding I went too was an opportunity to gather ideas. Hmm I like this, ooh no I would never do that…what WAS she thinking? But after my wedding I have no reason to gather anymore so felt unsure if I should have opinions or not.

* Fireworks at weddings are great

* Tim is still learning that just about all brides are late (yes babe its true, ask anyone)

Hope you all had a fantastic weekend. Here’s to a good week ahead!

x

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Being late lets you make a grand entrance

“I’m not going to be 45 minutes late to my own wedding!” I emphatically stated to Tim.

“But you are going to be late” He replied with a frown.

“Yes I will be late, its one of the unwritten rules for brides.”  This conversation happened a week before our wedding. Tim hates being late and he was in fear of my own lateness.

I am forever haunted by a statement I made quite a few years ago to my friend Sandra. We were working together and it was a time in my life when I’d just gotten through a rough patch and lets just say I was more into me that I should have been. I dramatically said that being late lets you make a grand entrance. hmm and Sandra has never let me live it down since.

So when my wedding day arrived and Tim’s prediction was right and I was actually 45 minutes late (due to a number of circumstances not a desire to make a grand entrance – I was the bride, a grand entrance was assured) I’m sure that Sandra was not entirely surprised.

But I will admit, I’m often late. I always underestimate how long it will take me to get ready. And I often get distracted. And I think I can get places quicker than I can. I also may have taken it to heart when a lecturer from college told me its better to be 5 minutes late than 5 minutes early. So its no wonder really that Tim was worried.

But I have discovered his trick. He does to me what I used to do to a friend at uni. He tells me we need to leave earlier than we really do. So if we need to leave home at 8, he tells me we need to leave by 7.30. He wasn’t sneaky enough.

So we could be in for interesting times. His desire to be there on time (which really is a desire to be so early that we have time to read the entire Lord of the Rings series) and my desire to arrive 5 minutes late is going to clash. But I know who will win. Do you?

Will test it out this weekend, we’re off to a wedding. And the main aim there is to beat the bride but I’ll grab Frodo & his mates on my way out the door.

x

Something that only boys appreciate

I am going to be open and honest and quite frankly I’m also going to get a little gross. Boys really are obsessed with farting. Call it what you like….breaking wind, fluffs, cracker jacks, gas, coughing in your rompers….they’re all farts.

Now I knew that this was something that boys find extremely amusing. Boys grow up with this strange fascination in all bodily functions. The louder, the more potent the smell the better (and funnier) it is in their book.

My male friends from uni days would go on surfing trips together and always come back with stories. Nearly all these stories would revolve around someone’s smelly bum. It also involved everyone eating lots of baked beans and then stinking the tent out so no one could handle it anymore.

Girls grow up trying never to fart in the company of anyone. Ever.

So you bring these two histories together in marriage and it makes for interesting times.

I only found out about cupcaking earlier this year from Hamish and Andy. Why on earth would you want to cup your hand around your bum so you can capture the smell and stick it in someone’s face? It doesn’t make sense I tell you!

There comes a time in most relationships when you feel comfortable to fart in front of each other. It normally happens after you’ve had a few incidents of ‘accidental’ farting (accidental on the girls part anyway, the boy just lets a few go for fun and to see how the girl will react).

But no matter how comfortable I feel and how I know that we all do it, I still don’t find it funny to:

a) be cupcaked

b) suffer a dutch oven

c) hear farts in general.

This is definitely something that only boys appreciate.

However, things that I have learned about farting since being married:

  • if you fart under the covers and then casually raise your leg in the air and drop it back down, it will give a puff of fart filled air right up to your partners nose
  • if you fart and then walk quickly away, the smell is going to follow you
  • after you’ve hosted a boys night at your house, just go around and spray all common areas and bathrooms with air freshener..you might even want to get the spray and wipe out
  • the more disgusting you find a fart, the funnier it will be to your husband
  • men always, ALWAYS find farting funny – no exception.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

x

Marriage Morse Code

My husband snores! And it’s not one of those cute little noises that makes you go ‘awe’. My best friend’s dog used to snore (well he probably still does) and it was so cute and endearing. Just a little squeak of a noise that lets you know they are sleeping.

Well this snore of my husband’s also lets me know he is sleeping it just also happens to stop me sleeping. The only other person I know who snores is my Nana Iris. I used to have to share a room with her at christmas time when the entire family was staying in one house. She suffers with insomnia so when I’d tell her in the morning that she’d been snoring during the night she’d say, “oh that’s good, it meant I got some sleep last night.” Totally oblivious to the fact that it meant I got no sleep that night!

You see those shows on tv about how to stop snoring by using different pillows, laying a certain way or sticking something in your mouth to keep the airway open. Give up those options I say, I’ve got something even better.

Most times Tim just snores for a little bit as he’s falling asleep and then it stops, so its not really a problem. But the other night he was snoring and it woke me up and I was so tired I couldn’t be bothered telling him to roll over. So I did all that I could think to do. I started morse code. Morse code on his chest. tap tap tatap tap with my index & middle fingers. Sending out an SOS. He woke up wondering what was going on and I just pretended to be asleep. But it worked. It stopped the snoring!

Ah it makes me giggle to think about it. So have you got any advice on how to stop snoring?

x

Marriage killed the friendship

Video killed the radio star and according to Robbie Williams reality killed the video star…but has marriage killed the friendship?

We all have a friend that as soon as they find a new love interest they leave you for dead. You never hear from them, you rarely see them and the only way to keep up with them is their Facebook status updates (but they only say I’m sooooooo in looooooove).

I was reading the news yesterday and came across an interesting article “Falling in love costs you two close friends, according to British expert

The article put simply is this – most adults have 6 people in their intimate circle but once you get married it drops down to 5. Your husband/wife actually counts for 2 people. So those 2 people who were in the best friends category get demoted to the good friends list.

Its hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations (they’re always a ruiner). Managing your best friends expectations of late nights, chick flicks and dancing isn’t always easy to balance against your husband’s expectations of dinner, home movies and in my case guitar hero.

I think that marriage itself doesn’t kill friendship but neglect does. I know that in the lead up to my wedding I wasn’t following up with my besties as I usually would. But I think your friends generally give you a bit of slack for that. Its after the wedding that counts!

I love my husband dearly and while the experts tell me he counts for 2 best friends, he definitely doesn’t count for 6! I need my girlfriends, what’s more I want my girlfriends.

You know it might be hard to find a good man but its also hard to find a best friend. And I want to keep them all.

x

In love with being in love?

I remember watching a Seinfeld episode, possibly the one where Jerry gets engaged, about how bizarre it is that people get married. Jerry talked about how you’d think it would be rare that someone would find a person that they like enough that they actually want to commit to seeing everyday of their life. But it happens every day.

Are we in love with being in love?

The idea of love is sometimes much more attractive than the reality of it. But that is a tainted view. Sometimes I don’t think I understand what true love is all about.

I certainly didn’t before Tim entered my life.

I used to find it hard enough to actually find someone I liked not to mention whether they liked me in return. And then I think I only got snippets of love.

One day I had a chat with my dear friend Sara not long before she got married. She had found love, true love and I was hungry to hear what it was like. She said something that stuck with me. We had been talking about my exes. Visiting the ghosts of boyfriends past is dangerous and I was lamenting what had been. Sara said to me, I don’t think anyone has ever treated you as you deserve.

It blew me away. It made me sad. It made me happy. It made me question. But it also made me realise that I had never treated the boyfriends-of-the-past in a way that they deserved either.

We like the idea of love. That someone will be there for us no matter what, that someone is interested in us above all others, that we have someone to share our life with.

But the type of love that marriage requires is more than that. Rather than someone giving to us, it requires us to give.

It reminds me of a beautiful description of love:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (You can find it in the Bible,1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

So I want to use this description of love and turn it into what my marriage is about. If five years down the track someone asked Tim what marriage was like, I hope that he would be able to use these words. I pray that I can use this positive description of love and turn it into who I am.

x

Chefs don’t clean up

My husband tried to bribe me. Here I was thinking the use of bribes was only used on small children and corrupt government officials but seems I can now be added to the list.

Tim and I don’t have many rules at our house but one of them, and might I add that Tim established this rule before we got married, is this:

Whoever cooks doesn’t have to clean up.

Well as soon as those words were out of his mouth I heartily agreed. Afterall, I could see the writing on the wall,  I knew it would be me who would do the most cooking and I’ll gladly admit I’m not a fan of cleaning up.

The other night I’m sitting at our dining room table (its new by the way and I love it!) minding my own business as Tim cleans up in the kitchen. Cleaning up dishes from the previous day. He casually starts a conversation and manages to put in… “If you come help me, I’ll let you get whatever you like as takeout for dinner.”

Hmm I considered and thought, fair enough, so I help out. But it was a bribe and wow it actually worked. Points to you babe. But now I’m scheming…what am I going to bribe him about???

x

The Vision

Surely you’ve noticed how just about all romantic movies end with either the couple finally getting together or getting married. Its seems like there is a Hollywood formula that goes something like this – couple meet, they fall in love at first sight which means the rest of the movie is about trials they face and how they eventually overcome them. Or they hate each other at first sight which means the rest of the move is about them being forced into spending time together, dating other people and then finally realising that they should be together and are now in love. And then the movie stops.

Happily ever after seems to stop when you get married. But what happens in the happily ever after? Sex and the City, the first movie, tried to answer that question but what it really did was follow the original formula. Carrie and Big are finally together and now they’re getting married….but Big stands her up at the altar and then they face a number of trials until they get back together again and the movie ends with them getting married.

Bridget Jones Diary – Edge of Reason, follows a similar line. Bridget and Mark Darcy are in love and together but then get pulled apart, they face a number of trials before getting back together at the end.

So what does the happily ever after bit actually look like? Maybe its too boring to show BUT having just got married not long ago I’m going to make a diary about what being married is actually like.

x

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