In love with being in love?

I remember watching a Seinfeld episode, possibly the one where Jerry gets engaged, about how bizarre it is that people get married. Jerry talked about how you’d think it would be rare that someone would find a person that they like enough that they actually want to commit to seeing everyday of their life. But it happens every day.

Are we in love with being in love?

The idea of love is sometimes much more attractive than the reality of it. But that is a tainted view. Sometimes I don’t think I understand what true love is all about.

I certainly didn’t before Tim entered my life.

I used to find it hard enough to actually find someone I liked not to mention whether they liked me in return. And then I think I only got snippets of love.

One day I had a chat with my dear friend Sara not long before she got married. She had found love, true love and I was hungry to hear what it was like. She said something that stuck with me. We had been talking about my exes. Visiting the ghosts of boyfriends past is dangerous and I was lamenting what had been. Sara said to me, I don’t think anyone has ever treated you as you deserve.

It blew me away. It made me sad. It made me happy. It made me question. But it also made me realise that I had never treated the boyfriends-of-the-past in a way that they deserved either.

We like the idea of love. That someone will be there for us no matter what, that someone is interested in us above all others, that we have someone to share our life with.

But the type of love that marriage requires is more than that. Rather than someone giving to us, it requires us to give.

It reminds me of a beautiful description of love:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (You can find it in the Bible,1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

So I want to use this description of love and turn it into what my marriage is about. If five years down the track someone asked Tim what marriage was like, I hope that he would be able to use these words. I pray that I can use this positive description of love and turn it into who I am.



Rules for dating

There’s a saying which goes, “A good man is hard to find” but I think its even harder to find a patient man. A few years ago my friend JR graciously told me I needed a patient man. I felt a bit miffed about that….was I that hard to get on with? Whether I am or not I can’t decide but I did start to think about the value of a patient man.

Years before that 2 of my closest male friends and I had made a list of rules for dating. We referred to it as the three S’s:

Rule 1: No Settling for second best

Rule 2: No Soppiness (this was for one of the boys in particular who was very good at putting on the sad puppy dog eyes and we, his friends, thought it didn’t help the cause)

Rule 3: No Second chances.

We all broke the rules overtime and jokingly attributed our dating failures to not keeping them.

Looking back on the rules the only good one in there is about not settling for second best. Relationships are hard under the best circumstances so if you’re not with someone who you think the world of, you better back out.

Now that I’m married and committed to a forever, if Tim and I had a rule about no second chances there would be no ‘us’ already. Marriage is all about second chances. I continually stuff up and do things that are:

a) thoughtless

b) hurtful

c) stupid

d) all of the above.

That is why I’m thankful that JR was brave enough to tell me I needed a patient man. I’m even more thankful that I actually found a good, patient man. Someone who would acknowledge my faults and who would patiently help me become a better person and give me 2nd, 3rd, 4th….chances. If you’re looking for that special one, add ‘patient’ to the list of must have’s!

Now somehow I need to become more patient…is there a set of rules for that?


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