Something that only boys appreciate

I am going to be open and honest and quite frankly I’m also going to get a little gross. Boys really are obsessed with farting. Call it what you like….breaking wind, fluffs, cracker jacks, gas, coughing in your rompers….they’re all farts.

Now I knew that this was something that boys find extremely amusing. Boys grow up with this strange fascination in all bodily functions. The louder, the more potent the smell the better (and funnier) it is in their book.

My male friends from uni days would go on surfing trips together and always come back with stories. Nearly all these stories would revolve around someone’s smelly bum. It also involved everyone eating lots of baked beans and then stinking the tent out so no one could handle it anymore.

Girls grow up trying never to fart in the company of anyone. Ever.

So you bring these two histories together in marriage and it makes for interesting times.

I only found out about cupcaking earlier this year from Hamish and Andy. Why on earth would you want to cup your hand around your bum so you can capture the smell and stick it in someone’s face? It doesn’t make sense I tell you!

There comes a time in most relationships when you feel comfortable to fart in front of each other. It normally happens after you’ve had a few incidents of ‘accidental’ farting (accidental on the girls part anyway, the boy just lets a few go for fun and to see how the girl will react).

But no matter how comfortable I feel and how I know that we all do it, I still don’t find it funny to:

a) be cupcaked

b) suffer a dutch oven

c) hear farts in general.

This is definitely something that only boys appreciate.

However, things that I have learned about farting since being married:

  • if you fart under the covers and then casually raise your leg in the air and drop it back down, it will give a puff of fart filled air right up to your partners nose
  • if you fart and then walk quickly away, the smell is going to follow you
  • after you’ve hosted a boys night at your house, just go around and spray all common areas and bathrooms with air freshener..you might even want to get the spray and wipe out
  • the more disgusting you find a fart, the funnier it will be to your husband
  • men always, ALWAYS find farting funny – no exception.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

x

Marriage Morse Code

My husband snores! And it’s not one of those cute little noises that makes you go ‘awe’. My best friend’s dog used to snore (well he probably still does) and it was so cute and endearing. Just a little squeak of a noise that lets you know they are sleeping.

Well this snore of my husband’s also lets me know he is sleeping it just also happens to stop me sleeping. The only other person I know who snores is my Nana Iris. I used to have to share a room with her at christmas time when the entire family was staying in one house. She suffers with insomnia so when I’d tell her in the morning that she’d been snoring during the night she’d say, “oh that’s good, it meant I got some sleep last night.” Totally oblivious to the fact that it meant I got no sleep that night!

You see those shows on tv about how to stop snoring by using different pillows, laying a certain way or sticking something in your mouth to keep the airway open. Give up those options I say, I’ve got something even better.

Most times Tim just snores for a little bit as he’s falling asleep and then it stops, so its not really a problem. But the other night he was snoring and it woke me up and I was so tired I couldn’t be bothered telling him to roll over. So I did all that I could think to do. I started morse code. Morse code on his chest. tap tap tatap tap with my index & middle fingers. Sending out an SOS. He woke up wondering what was going on and I just pretended to be asleep. But it worked. It stopped the snoring!

Ah it makes me giggle to think about it. So have you got any advice on how to stop snoring?

x

Marriage killed the friendship

Video killed the radio star and according to Robbie Williams reality killed the video star…but has marriage killed the friendship?

We all have a friend that as soon as they find a new love interest they leave you for dead. You never hear from them, you rarely see them and the only way to keep up with them is their Facebook status updates (but they only say I’m sooooooo in looooooove).

I was reading the news yesterday and came across an interesting article “Falling in love costs you two close friends, according to British expert

The article put simply is this – most adults have 6 people in their intimate circle but once you get married it drops down to 5. Your husband/wife actually counts for 2 people. So those 2 people who were in the best friends category get demoted to the good friends list.

Its hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations (they’re always a ruiner). Managing your best friends expectations of late nights, chick flicks and dancing isn’t always easy to balance against your husband’s expectations of dinner, home movies and in my case guitar hero.

I think that marriage itself doesn’t kill friendship but neglect does. I know that in the lead up to my wedding I wasn’t following up with my besties as I usually would. But I think your friends generally give you a bit of slack for that. Its after the wedding that counts!

I love my husband dearly and while the experts tell me he counts for 2 best friends, he definitely doesn’t count for 6! I need my girlfriends, what’s more I want my girlfriends.

You know it might be hard to find a good man but its also hard to find a best friend. And I want to keep them all.

x

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